life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
