god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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