I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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