Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
