I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
