Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
