I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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