Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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