found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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