Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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