Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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