I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
