apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
