so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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