Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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