I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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