Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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