She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As shirtless as possible
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
