are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
