You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
