if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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