If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
