tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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