call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
