Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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