I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
