Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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