Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
