i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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