i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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