Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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