nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
