he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
