Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
