I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
