So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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