If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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