you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
this is an emotional support booty call
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
