I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
