HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
