This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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