I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
