cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
