if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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