Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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