you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
