Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
