that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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