is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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