i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
